Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t cotton to rapists

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When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I actually pay taxes

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

Are miracles real or do they just have natural explanations?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

How often do prisoners try to escape from jail/prison, and how many of them succeed?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

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I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

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I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

What are the best sneakers for running?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I understand how hurricane paths work

What is the nastiest thing you had your wife do and she loved it?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I can count

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Do you think Lady Gaga and Celine Dion have rehearsed separately for their performance at the Olympics opening ceremony?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I have complete contempt for fakery

I have a reading level above third grade

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I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

How long can I have fake braids in? I want to do it for the whole school year but I don’t know how to keep it intact.

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know who the president of Turkey really is

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I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I see through liars

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

Honestly! Do you people actually watch all that nonsense produced by the nitwit network television stations or do they just claim you do?

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

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If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

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I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I can read

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms